Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
COCAINE IS GR8
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
