We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
