I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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