I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
