i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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