FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
