Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
