Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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