I wish life had little blips of pornography
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
