my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
