i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize