I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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