I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
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He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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