Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
