you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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