I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
