It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
