How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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