Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
