Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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