Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
