Me. At least after what I've been through.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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