Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
