I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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