Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
