i permit you to call me
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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