i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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