so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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