Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?