he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl