dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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