hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?