i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You have to summon your inner elephant
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
