No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
