super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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