i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
