i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
