We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
