Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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