Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
As shirtless as possible
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
