I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize