Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
