Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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