dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
