Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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