My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
