meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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