what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So apparently I’m into choking now
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
