So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
