Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
