So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
