I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
