is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
