just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I need a burrito and a hug.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
