On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
