4 words: hood of his car
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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