The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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