i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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