Im at strip club and am horny
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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