mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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