u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
