He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
