I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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