Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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