I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
