There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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