i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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