I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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