i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
