I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
