I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the condom got lost in my hair
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
