Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
