im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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