My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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