Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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